i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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