It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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