Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
