I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
