I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i will never coherently bang her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
