Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
