I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize