like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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