should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
