how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
