they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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