I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Text me some of your sweat
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