hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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