hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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