i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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