he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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