My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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