Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
