I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
