u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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