He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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