If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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