then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
