So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
