You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
