I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
