the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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