Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
