He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
