Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
