Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
