going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
