I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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