my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
