so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
