Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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