Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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