he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
