Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
