wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
