at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
