sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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