I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
