CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
