I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
