Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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