you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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