I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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