we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
