Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
