I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
