Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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