If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
