His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
love makes seman taste better
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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