she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize