my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
do nipples grow back?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
