I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
