Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
