I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
