i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
