i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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