we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
