My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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