he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
