I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
