accomplished twins. life is a go
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
