I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
