OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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