Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
