i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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